Special Feature

Body Image

And for those of you with daughters - please be careful about the messages you're sending them.

Posted 8/08 [M34] I have written before to you,and at length on this subject and reading more of peoples comments on this subject make me realise that theres a lot of truth in it.The media and television,also society can be and often are very unkind to our ladies out there.Likewise peoples perception of beauty more often than not panders to the above.It personally makes me heave to think that there is some loveley female out there who sits and says to herself that she is ugly,out of proportion,fat.I realise that all our women folk have these days but as someone who gets out and about,I honestly believe that we have some of the most attractive,engaging and beautiful ladies in ordinary walks of life,without even contemplating the likes of so called "models".It is often said that the most attractive aspect of a person is that they are themselves,I believe this to be true.I am 34 yrs old and in a good relationship,with a lady I adore,I think I am aware of her not only as my significant other,but as a sexual female,a person with needs,my friend too.We guys love all the little things you do,the lipstick,make up,high heels,your smell,the wiggle when you walk and it seems to me that you have nothing to reproach yourself for.Most men out there I think are like myself,ok some have hang ups and ideas which are not really any good,but you ladies seem to find out and send them packing.If I where single,glad I am not,but if I where then I could fall in love or lust,probably both each time I take the bus or the train,or walk the sidewalk as you would call it.Iam just a an average,modern guy,but ladies in general you have a great deal for which you should hold your heads high.You need to feel about yourselves the way most normal guys feel about you,for me stick thin is a no no,as is silicone,plastic surgery,implants of any kind.Most guys want you to be you,and will love you all the more for it because a woman is a mans treasure and nothing else comes close.

Posted 7/08 [M 34] Once again I'd like all the ladies out there to be kind to themselves,and stop subscribing to media opinion,or societal opinion as to how they should look and feel,be or otherwise.And to the lady who asked how men feel about women's bodies, size, shape etc I can only say that I love the female body,it is an altar at which I personally worship. To me the world revolves around the curvy, shapely,plus size feminine female. Curvy behind,big thighs, a tummy, good hips, big breasts, heavy breasts, these things to me are what it's all about. No stick thin, diet obsessed celebs for me, no thank you.
I am not saying that obesity or severe overweight is the way to be,far from it. But a big sexy gal is to me nothing short of heaven. My partner is a size 18 and has all the features I describe, is blonde, and has great feet with gorgeous long toes(I have a serious foot fetish too) and when she undresses it's like christmas to me,every time. She is self conscious of what she perceives to be her"size" too, she has no need to be, and nor do I suspect do a lot of the ravishing lovelies out there. Contrary to popular belief I don't think there are too many guys out there who absolutely must have a stick thin stereotype for a partner, I've no doubt they exist, but I don't come across many.
Ladies,whatever you do celebrate your femininity at every chance you get. A feminine, sexy, confident lady is a treasure-whatever size or shape you are. It's the difference that makes the difference. We are not meant to be alike, we are individuals and have the potential to be loved and valued for that which we are. But we always need to expand and develop our potential and the more time spent on this than letting some designer, so called celebrity-magazine editor decide it for us,the better. [M 45] It seems that the trend in male preferences relating to pubic hair is shaved or very little pubic hair. What I personally favor is a woman with a very full untrimmed bush as well as ample amounts of under arm hair. I love to see a woman with wide hips and a full protruding ass and a narrow waist. the size of he boobs doesn't matter to me, but I do love the sight of very long nipples.
Now what I find about a woman's body that is irresistable to me is a lady with a very long clit or long hanging inner labia or better yet, both. This passion may stem from the fact in my youth my very first sexual experience was with a beautiful older lady whose labia hung down maybe 2 to 3 inches and whose clit when soft covered her pussy opening. ( NO EXAGERATION) When she was aroused her clit was like a small erect penis. I sucked on those protrusions and had sex with her for almost two years.
During that time she taught me just about everything about sex. Unfortunately she move away and I never saw her again. I never realized it at first, but very few women, except my wife now, ever measured up to her attributes. So you women out there, there are men who love a hairy beaver, unusually long clits and and protruding labia. I get really excite when my wife will squat down, spread her legs, and let me see her clit and labia protruding out from her dark hairy bush. She will only do that if she is prepared to have me eat her pussy on the spot because she know how excited that makes me.
Let me know if you share my preferences. I'm also interested in how many women out there have a large clit or big labia and if its a problem for you. My wife only concern is when she is wearing a bathing suit she has a visible protrusion at her crotch from her labia.

Posted 6/08 [M 34] Today's woman,I feel gives herself a lot of the wrong ideals that she feels she has to live up to. A lot I think is to do with media, television, glossy magazines that try to paint pictures of an "ideal" woman. What she should do, wear, be seen in/doing, eating etc, and what a load of rubbish it all is. As a guy of 34yrs old, average looks and intelligence I think that the the average female out there has a lot to be proud of. The majority of you are attractive, sassy, sexy, have personality and looks despite what you might read in magazines you do not need this sort of stuff to realise your worth. My ideal lady is a curvy size 17/18, 5 feet tall in her sexy nyloned feet, is blonde and I tell her every day the feeling that is in my heart "you are beautiful" and I mean it.
Don't be slaves to things. Be yourselves, the chances are you are already doing more than enough for your height, weight, appearance, whatever. Strut that stuff,whatever it is and keep on wowing us guys with that indefinable something that only you have - woman.

Posted 10/05 [M 27] I agree that people should be loved for who they are. What's forgotten in this, however, is that obesity is not healthy. Along with loving everyone for who they are we must also love ourselves. That means we should strive to be healthy so we can be active in life and take full advantage of what's out there.
Unfortunately, other health conditions can seriously degrade your ability to do the tasks you want to do. Don't give up the fight. The pool is such a great option so find a way to make it happen. Don't let your health get worse because of someone else. Love yourself enough to do it. If it doesn't work, if nothing changes don't forget who you are on the inside.
People are people and they always seem to forget that. We find differences and take sides against each other when we're all the same. Regardless of one's appearance, the same thoughts, dreams, and heart are inside.

[F] In my case, I am over-weight, but have never been turned down by any man's advances, perhaps I am one of the lucky ones, but I am curious as to how men perceive weight issues with women and how they feel sexually with them, and how women feel, do they feel sexy, un-sexy, embarrassed, etc. Await answers,, and thanks!

Posted 9/05 [F 75] I am 75 years old - large boned and seriously overweight - I had my appendix out when I was 15years old - it has left a horrendous scar - straight from the naval down to the hair line. I have never - since- been able to pull my tummy in and now it shows as if I was 6 months pregnant!!!
My maternal grand-mother used to sit on TWO Kitchen chairs at the same time - she used to bang the wall for her neighbour(s) to come and lift her when she needed to stand up. My mother fought her weight all her life and lost the battle and so have I - I now weigh 18 stone.
I am also disabled with Osteo-arthritis of the spine and cannot stand for more than 3-4 minutes maximum - which means I cannot exercise - my husband doesn't like swimming and won't take me - there are side affects to using dumb-bells etc because everything impinges onto the spine!!!
My doctor tells me to eat less - eat healthily and the weight will come off - it doesn't - I have been trying for years and the weight creeps up and up.
It seems ridiculous to me that people can't just be accepted for who they are - it is people who put inhibitions in the way - too fat - brown skin - nationalities etc - it is time every person in the world realised that we are WHO we are and that no-one is perfect - every single person in the world has a flaw somewhere and if you think you haven't then that is a flaw right there!!!
We have a right to be loved for ourselves - for who we are - and NOT for how we look!!!

Posted 5/05 [M 62] Many years of working and cavorting in South-East Asia gave me a distinct and abiding preference for smaller wimmin. Back home, newly married and then single again, in my 50s I joined a match-maker agency and met many wimmin of all shapes and sizes. One woman was so big that my medium-sized sedan had a distinct list to starboard.
Of all these wimmin, what sticks in my mind was not body-shape: it was personality. What put the kybosh on all but one was attitude: H and I stayed friends for several years. For instance I have carried and used weapons for work, for pleasure and for self-protection since I was a kid in the country potting bunnies and birds for the pot: when the “guns kill” mantra came out I didn’t bother with dessert! The big lady queered her pitch first by carrying on about her ex, by her habit of dropping litter especially lolly (“candy”) wrappers, and by the way she shoveled food into her mouth. A large, happy lady I once worked with had a very e! expensive surgery and became quite slim: with the weight went her *joie de vivre* – everyone missed that bubbling laugh and quick wit.
Ladies there is a one-in-a-billion chance you will have a super-model bod: tight arse, high tits, perfect skin; and possibly a drug-habit.

Posted 4/04 [F 27] I've got three kids, I'm overweight, and have such a hectic schedule that I eat what I can when I can. Amen to the man who said beauty comes from within. I can't tell you how depressed I have been lately because of my weight, trying diet after diet and pill after pill to no avail. Yesterday, for example, was a really bad day for me. I was upset, and really down because I couldn't find a pair of jeans to wear that fit, and had to wear running pants. I took my kids to eat chinese after they got out of school for the day, and I couldn't eat myself. I couldn't swallow that food knowing it was going to make me fatter and more unattractive. Then to top my day off, I ran into someone I used to be close to in the parking lot, and she made a comment about my already huge boobs getting bigger, and asked what I had been feeding them. I stood in that parking lot and cried. Its a sad world when a woman can't be happy because of the scrutiny of society, and when little girls are puking to be skinny. So thank you to the man who doesn't judge by weight, I wish they were all like you.

Posted 5/03 [F] I'm a 24yr old mom to 3 beautiful girls,I've been married to my sweetheart for 8 years. I met him when I was just 12 and a very thin 90lbs,5'6. I thought I looked great and he agreed or seemed to be pleased. Well I can tell you that over the last 12 years and 3 children, 2 of whom are twins,my body has changed a good bit. I'm now 165lbs and 5'7. I'm uncomfortable with myself but I'm trying to get past it. My husband says he likes me better now that he loves my "big booty" but I can't help but wonder if he really is happy with me. My opinion is that I cover it up or "hide" it well. I pour myself in to tight jeans and form fitting tops because I feel "sexy" that way. I still get just as many "looks" from other guys as I always have. But I can't help but feel like they only look or are only attracted because they haven't seen me naked. I worry about my many stretch marks although I've started going to tanning about 3 days a week which has helped me feel a good bit better about my appearance. Although I'd love to shed at least a few pounds or "regain" my pre-nursing breasts, or maybe "tighten" my "baby fat", I'm working to overcome this. I do think it's important for a woman to be comfortable and happy with her body no matter what. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and... Beauty is REALLY only skin deep.

Posted 4/02 [F] I'm 5'3" and wear a 12/14 depending on the clothes. I don't see myself as sexy because I know others don't see me that way. If Marilyn Monroe was still considered the model look we wouldn't have such bady body images. It's not just us woman doing this to ourselves. It's advertising, it's fashion and it's also men. How can you feel good about your body when you walk into a store and see clothes that should fit a child not an adult? There are a lot of great men, as some who have posted here, but I think they're in the minority. Most men go for the skinny minnies.
I'm married and I know my husband doesn't have a problem with my weight, as he's overweight himself, but it makes you feel sexy when a stranger looks at you, when you get whistled at.
There are many changes that would need to occur for us woman to feel better about ourselves. Society would have to change.

Posted 1/02 [F 17 ] I'm a 17 year old female, 5'8" and 230 lbs. Honestly, I don't look like I weigh that much, but I promise you...if you tried to pick me up, you would be surprised. I never really thought I was "fat" until I went to a Catholic school, where I noticed that everyone was thin, beautiful, and model material. I was teased horribly because, heaven forbid, my pants didn't sport a size 1 on the label. It was 7th grade when I started feeling horrible about myself. My mother is a very big woman, and after my schoolmates "enlightened" me on the fact that I was overweight, I feared that I would end up looking just like my mother. I didn't want to be that heavy, because in all honesty, its not healthy. So I dieted. I tried Slim Fast, which only made me gag because let's be honest - it's nasty. I attempted taking diet pills, Dexatrim, and lost friends because it made me go through wild mood swings. And I have tried Stacker 2. Stacker 2, although it has worked for me, is extremely unhealthy. And I have come to the conclusion that I would rather be a bigger person, than die of overdosing on speed. Until recently, I felt that I would never be loved. I've never had a real boyfriend, and I was convinced that I would be single for the rest of my life. But I met the man of my dreams, and he loves round cheeks, my big breasts, curvy hips, and plump ass. He doesn't CARE that when I sit down, I have a little roll, and he doesn't care that I'm not a Miss America contestant. And I KNOW that every other woman out there that is big boned, overweight, or a little round can find somebody that loves them; somebody that loves their personality AND their body. I may only be some 17 year old little girl...but I know that I'm not the only one that can be hefty AND happy.

Posted 11/01 [M] My wife has gained weight over the last ten years and has some self image problems. I enjoy her more voluptuous figure and have tried to convey how I feel to her. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. I truely love her round, soft curves, large breasts, and hips. As long as she is healthy I don't see any real reason for her to worry about losing any weight. I guess my only problem is her conservative dress and manner. We have a wonderful sex life, when we're not too tired. But there are more sexy clothes that she could wear without trying to look like a 100 pound stick woman. I've tried buying her some things I would like to see her wear without trying to go to far. Maybe I'm going in the wrong direction altogether. I don't know.

Posted 10/01 [M] Regarding women and body image, there's a book I highly recommend. The title of it is "No Fat Chicks: How Big Business Profits by Making Women Hate Their Bodies - and How to Fight Back" by Terry Poulton (1997). In my opinion, I found it to be a definitive investigation and compilation regarding our modern society's "anti fat agenda" (or, better yet, "anti self-love agenda") and how it drives the multi-billion-dollar diet/exercise/fashion machine. After I read her book, a lot of things began to fall into place and make sense.

Posted 5/01 [M 53] I have a few things to say on the topic of body image. As a 53-year-old male, I grew up in an era with somewhat different notions about what women should look like. As preadolescents, my friends and I lusted after Marilyn Monroe, with her curvaceous lush glory. We would have died laughing had we only known that some day the pop culture image of the ideal female would be top-heavy (big-breasted), but looking like a teenage boy from the waist down. I still find it rather bizarre.
Nature designed women to be wide-hipped for a reason. Until relatively recently, slim-hipped women had an unfortunate tendency to die in childbirth. Moreover, men have traditionally found female curvy hips and posterior to be a strong attractant ("turn-on" in the current phraseology). Even in this depraved modern age, many men, find skinny, bony women to be unattractive. And herein lies the tragedy. How many women condemn themselves to torture and dieting trying to look like a supermodel, and if they are successful (and at what cost?) they only diminish their sex appeal?
I've been happily married for quite a number of years to a woman who weighs more than twice what I do. Prior to meeting here, I dated both thin and fat women, and although I found some skinny women to some degree attractive, it just wasn't the same.

[M 49] I am a 49/M and over the last few years I have developed this theory that your readers may find interesting. I go to a health club twice a week and use the stair master or elliptical exercisers, and sometimes out of boredom I look at the women. These are all strangers and I noticed that some of them I look twice at. I began to think about the women that I look twice at and tried to find a common denominator in these women that attracted me to them. Now keep in mind that these are women who I have never seen before and have no intention of ever meeting them, plus I see them from a distance and do not hear their voices.
The common factors that made me look twice at them were not their size (weight), how skimpy their exercise outfits were, their size of breasts, their cleavage or their "ass" (whatever that means). One common factor was their smile. Just look in a People Magazine or a Playboy magazine and every person or model has a nice smile. The other factor was their posture and how they carried themselves. Keeping this in mind, see if you agree that these are the truly "sexy" features in a person.

Posted 4/01 [F 20s] As woman in her 20's I have been battling to win the weight loss war for at least a decade( I'll let ya know if I ever win!!). It saddens me to see what people put themselves thru to lose a few pounds. I am currently working on a project for a health and wellness class at my college. I have read about body wraps, yo yo diets, "magic solutions" and what ever else the weight loss industry can entice us with. I think if I never lose the weight, oh well, I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life frettin about it any more!!

Posted 2/01 [F 24] I had to take just a moment and post on size issues....I am a 24 year old college educated woman who is just plain big....I am 6' tall and wear a size 20-22...and weigh just over 300 lbs. I have spent the last five years fighting my weight, fighting my body image and fighting the fact that I live in Southern California where the blond bombshell image is ideal.
Last year I decided to quit being a victim to my own fat. Once I accepted myself and found my self confidence and self worth the amount of attention I started getting was amazing...I know I'm beautiful and men do too. I carry myself differently and my outlook is different, and with that I have found the most incredible man. When we met he told me that he usually isn't attracted to BBWs (big beautiful women) but there is something about me that is different...and I know what it is....I love myself and it made all the difference in the world...

Posted 7/1/00 [M 36] When my wife and I met 12 years ago, she was a bit overweight, and she's gained a good deal since then. After our "honeymoon" period, I know she became worried that her size would turn me off and I would eventually leave her, and to be honest, so did I. But as our relationship matured, it just didn't matter. The thing I worked hard for her to understand is having sex with her, for me, isn't just using her body to get myself off, it's truly loving her, it's my chance to worship her. When we make great love, I absolutely lose myself in my senses -- the taste her mouth, the smell of her wet skin, the sound of her enjoyment, the feel of her everywhere. I've never done drugs, but I can't imagine anything synthetic giving me a better "trip." Only in the last few years has she gained the confidence -- in herself and in me -- to stop thinking and really "let go" during sex, and to lose herself in the passion.
Ladies, if your guy can't get past your superficial imperfections, then it may be time to move on and find someone who knows what love and loving someone means. Making love is not a beauty contest, it's looking into your heart and soul and physically revealing your love for your partner. It's letting go of what you think and taking hold and celebrating the way your lover makes you feel, even when you are far apart.

Posted 5/30/00 [F 22] I am glad that there is a place where my voice can be heard. I am a fat 22 year old married women who comes from a family of very weight obsessed women. I have never been exactly skinny, but I was always in great physical shape and played sports and was very popular in High School. I gained weight after I graduated and worked very hard to lose it. I did and then met the man of my dreams. I then started gaining weight again. I was horrified. That was 2 1/2 years ago. To date, I have gained over 80 pounds. Saying that I feel worthless does not even cover it. My family reminds me all of the time that I am not attractive and every time that I look in the mirror I know that. I dieted and exercised and I still gain about 5 pounds a month. I went to many doctors and they all gave me the same diet that I have been doing for two years. Finally I went to the doctor because it had been about 7 months since my last period. I found out that I have hypothyroidism. It is being treated, but I want everyone to know that when you look at a women with rolls and you are disgusted, she may be doing all that she can. She may be dieting and exercising. It is not for you to judge. I still can not look in the mirror without crying. I have the lowest self esteem of anyone that I know. I literally hope that I do not wake up the next day. People think that fat people are unattractive slobs, but we are people. Do not judge, and teach your kids to do the same. You can not possibly know all of the information.

Posted 4/7/00 [M 19] I'm a 19 y/o male, long curly hair, sharp silver grey eyes, 6 feet two inches tall... and I weigh 260 lbs. This may not actually sound too bad, but it was enough to make me feel insecure about myself for the first 18 years of my life. I have had a few dates, but none lasted for an extended period of time and I couldn't figure out why. Then one day, I accidentally overheard one of my former dates bad-mouthing my size to one of her girlfriends. And this was not the first incident it happened for that particular reason, either. I don't understand why it is such a factor for many women when they choose a guy. So, women, don't feel alone on this one, since we men get flack for our size as well.
As far as my tastes for women are concerned, I really don't like overly-skinny women. I actually like average women (between 8 and 14 dress size, mainly, but a pretty face is about the only physical feature I REALLY look for) because they have the nice, curvy, feminine figure. According to most doctors and biologists, the female body is actually SUPPOSED TO BE a bit fuller than the male body, and that was an adaptation (in the evolutionary sense) to ATTRACT A MATE. Not to mention that, if it weren't for that adaptation, all women would be flat-chested. Which makes me wonder how society has gone so far off course that we no longer find the natural feminine body beautiful anymore.

Posted 2/1/00 [F 26] I'm a 5'6" 26-year old mom who has never been skinny but probably not overweight by today's standards either, weighing between 125-135 lbs. Until I had my first baby. She was a c-section baby (I can totally relate to the woman who posted about the tummy muscles!) and two years later I'm up to over 200 lbs. It doesn't matter what I do, how little I eat or how much I exercise, I can't get the weight off and I seem to keep gaining.
The funny thing is, I don't FEEL fat. I feel healthier than I've ever felt. I used to get sick all the time, now I'm rarely sick except for the occasional cold. My cheeks are pink whereas I was pale when I was skinnier. And I have more energy than before.
Unfortunately the negatives in my situation outweight (ha ha) the positives, the biggest negative coming from my husband. Ever since I gained the weight, he stopped touching me, stopped initiating sex. He's still affectionate and I know he loves me but I can tell that I no longer turn him on. He's always been very supportive telling me he thinks I'm beautiful and that he's still attracted to me but in my opinion, actions speak louder than words. We very rarely have sex, if we do it's usually because I'm upset about having gone so long without it, and when we do, it lacks all the spark and passion it used to have.
Because of all of this, other things in our marriage have taken a hit. We're working on it, and I'm trying to lose the weight but for him, not for me, which is probably the reason I'm not succeeding.
My self-esteem really took a nose dive when I found out that my weight was a major factor in my husband's loss of desire towards me.
My daughter is two years old and I want to raise her to be comfortable with herself no matter how she looks and I want to make sure she knows that it's what's on the inside that counts. Easier said than done!!!

Posted 12/5/99 [F] All my life I was told I was fat. Was put on diets since a very young age and was enrolled in Weight Watchers for the first time at 12. In High School I was about 200 lbs but I am also 5'8". If I had been left alone and not made to feel worthless I probably would not have eaten and drank my self to over 400lbs. I have now lost over a 100lbs on my own, for me, over the course of 4years. The 19male that commented on fat rolls....son...if it's not for you that's fine...but keep those kind of comments to yourself....it's those kind of comments that fuel the body image problem. What someone considers disgusting may be way different than the woman looking at herself in the mirror. The thing that frightened me most was when I was teaching pre-school. One day I was on the playground with the children and I was speaking to one 5 yr old girl about another childs birthday. I was saying that there would be cupcakes for snack later. This 5yr old girl look up and me and said I can't have one...I'm on a diet...my mom says I have to lose weight. The child was 5!!!!!! I felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart and I was transported back to when I was the little fat girl. What are we doing to each other????? When a 5yr can't enjoy a birthday party?

At 400lbs, I met a very thin man, at a singles dance for large size people and their admirers. I wasn't looking to meet anyone, I just went with a friend to have a good time and dance where people wouldn't stare. That man is now my husband. We started dating 2 weeks after our first meeting. We're married 2yrs and 2days from the day we met. We celebrated our 2yr anniversary in June of 1999. There is someone for everyone....and often it finds you in the strangest places when you arent' looking. We need to stop being doormats for the "commercial" world and be who we are.
And yes, even with a college degree, I was discriminated against, because of my weight. Have you ever seen the undercover shows that have proven that business would rather hire a fat man than a fat woman? It is digusting to think that people there are people in this world who automatically think that fat equals sloppy, stupid and unhealthy. Society needs to get a grip.

[M 29] I've dated short women, fat women, thin women, and tall women. They were all beautiful. And I mean that in the physical sense--they were beautiful! My own wife has changed her hairstyle, she has lost weight, gained weight, and now settled somewhere in the middle. All I care about is that she is HAPPY. Of course I am not physically attracted to EVERY woman, but a few (or several) pounds is not going to weigh heavily on my decisions (no pun intended!). This whole hang-up that women have with their bodies just makes me ill.
The most adorable, loving woman I ever dated was chubby and beautiful. Her cheeks were rosy with life, her smile was beautiful, and she had a heart of gold. I would rather spend my entire life with somebody like that at my side than with a "perfect 10" who constantly asked me "is my butt getting too big?" I don't care how big your butt is. Just be beautiful. And stay away from those horrible diet pills.....is it really worth poisoning yourself just to look thinner? It comes completely from within.

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