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Frequency

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Updated 4/08 [M] I’ve been doing some research into frequency of intercourse for different ages and found several studies. It was interesting to see that a loving couple in their 40s still has sex X times per month. Now, according to the reports a sexless marriage is one labeled as 10 times per year or less. According to my wife and her friends, that’s about as often as any of them “get” or “give” it to their significant others. Now, according to the surveys….(just a selection from the internet)
Married couples make love 98 times per year. – Durex Survey 2001
According to Dr. Phil, there is no magic number that can tell couples how often they should be having sex in order to be "normal." Instead, he encourages people to discuss their needs openly with their partners and negotiate a relationship that meets both of their needs.
Having said that, here is what the latest research says about how often Americans are — and aren't — having sex.
Married couples say they have sex an average of 68.5 times a year. That's slightly more than once a week. — Newsweek
Married people have 6.9 more sexual encounters per year than people who have never been married. — Newsweek
15 to 20 percent of couples have sex no more than 10 times a year, which experts define as a sexless marriage. — Newsweek
20 to 30 percent of men and 30 to 50 percent of women say they have little or no sex drive. — USA Today
25 percent of all Americans (a third of women and a fifth of men) suffer from a condition known as hypoactive sexual desire (HSD), which is defined as a persistent or recurring deficiency or absence of sexual fantasies or thoughts, or a lack of interest in sex or being sexual. — Psychology Today
Are you or your partner just not "in the mood" for sex on a regular basis? Sexless marriages are an undeniable epidemic, says Dr. Phil. And since sex and intimacy are a meaningful part of a relationship, loss of sexual desire can severely affect a marriage. Is the lack of sexual desire a biological problem, one that is lifestyle generated, or is it a symptom of a bigger problem?
Try to identify the causes in order to understand yourself and your partner, and keep in mind these factors that could be impacting either of you:
Biological changes (in both men and women)
Depression
Children
Lack of energy, fatigue
Sleep deprivation
Lack of respect or trust in a relationship
Jealousy, resentment
Loss of self-esteem
Heck, I’d be happy with once a week. Physical intimacy is very important.

Updated 3/08 [M 78] I am 78 year old man married for 54 years with 4 adult kids and 8 grand kids. I've not had sex with wife or anyone else for 24 years. Wife has never enjoyed sex,never had an orgasm,does not desire sex but will reluctantly "let me do it to her" if I beg. How many other seniors in the same boat. Guilt prevents me from an affair and my attempts fail. I am very well endowed and horni most of the time. What to do. Wife refuses counseling. Solitaire's my only game in town. Am I destined to celibacy for the rest of my life? Looks like it.

[M] I can tell you I have had four orgasms (self-procured, for better or worse) in the last four days without feeling any ill effects, rather the contrary. Well, I'm a bit of a voyeur, besides being rather thrown back on my own resources for reasons you will see in the document. My life has a kind of rhythm.
I am always on the lookout for new erotic encounters, yet nowadays I feel somehow united to everyone, everything (in the best moments). In short, it hangs proud and heavy. Please open my attachment (with your kind fingers).

[M 66] My wife and I have sex about every couple of weeks. Sometimes, it is penile-vaginal contact, other times she brings me off manually. Either way, it has to be her idea. When I suggest sex, she finds excuses. Since our sex is always good for me no matter how it takes place, I generally don't complain. When she begs off, I generally masturbate to orgasm and wait it out until she initiates.
If we were to have sex once a week, I would probably refrain from masturbating, but when a full week goes by, I end up doing my own thing a couple of times before she is ready to participate with me. In fact, sometimes I masturbate a few days after we've made love because I'd very much like to do it again, and she doesn't. We talk about this, but it hasn't changed her. She just thinks I'm oversexed.

Updated 10/06 [M] We're a couple that has been happily married and sexually active for 36 wonderful years. Like most couples, we had sex more frequently when we were younger, but as we mature, it becomes a matter of quality over quantity.
As newlyweds, we used to have sex at least twice a week. Now, in our later 50's, we normally enjoy intercourse once a week and we both masturbate some in between.
I would say that, if anything, our orgasms have become even more intense than when we were younger, and I feel that this is simply due to "practice;" learning to control our individual triggers and building the excitement until we simply can't hang on any longer.

[F 49] My Husband and I are still very much in love and we still do it every morning and night, and usually 3-4 times on the weekends. Not all times though that I,m in the mood because for me I,m not getting as wet as I once did but I've learned to always keep a good bottle of lube handy . It sure don't take long to start feeling the pleasure and make sure there is lots of foreplay before hand. I might add its not only for me either as I use it on him too, for added pleasure.I think the best thing of all is that we still want to be close to each other We talk and are very open with each other and just want to make each other feel good.

[M 63] On the subject of frequency, this certainly has more to do with age than anything else. I remember back when I was 22 with the first girlfriend I was sexually active with I was a love making machine. On a weekend off back then we'd "hook up" a good eight or nine times. My girlfriend then was a Filipina and these girls loved having sex every bit as much as we guys do and were some kind of good pussy. As time went by I have slowed down. Marrying at thirty it started out a morning and night thing and before too long turned into a once a night thing. By age forty things got to three or four times a week thing with us. Back then I'll have to admit there were occasional visits to some local massage parlors and this probably had to do more with the fact that most these places had Oriental girls working in them and it would take me back to my younger years in the Far East. In the parlors there was never any intercourse. Only hand jobs while getting a good feel of the girl giving the "massage". Two or three times I did get a blow job in these places while wearing a condom. Now, at 60+, it is pretty much a once a week thing with an occasional hand job during the week from my wife when I'm feeling a little frisky. Last week was an example of this mid week event and came on when my wife was laying on a sofa with her feet elevated. She was wearing these loose fitting shorts which had ridden up her thighs. Now in her late fifties she still has beautiful legs. I sat next to her to get a back scratch and I just couldn't help myself and started rubbing her leg; calf to thigh. It didn't take long and I became highly aroused and got a full blown erection. Believe me, the feel of her legs will do this to me like nothing else. She soon started rubbing on my erection through my pants. We ended up in bed where she relieved me with a wonderful hand job. Also, needless to say, with age the intensity of our orgasms has eased off and I no longer "shoot" large ropes of semen as I did when young. Now down to several small squirts that might go a couple of inches. All has to do with the age thing.

[M 39] how often?.... depends what week it is...
week one.. 5 or 6 times.. often more than once in a day, nooner :o)
week two.. 3 or 4 times.. maybe an afternoon delight
week three.. 1 or 2 times.. time to catch up on reading
week four.. i am on my own.. wishing week one would come quicker..
how often do i think about sex.. every time i breathe... seriously... every time i see eye candy. how often do i get aroused because of my thoughts... 5 to 10 times a day..
if i was asked to make a schedule for sex frequency.. 3 or 4 times a week would be realistic, because that leaves room for spontaneity, and leaves some days for when you just feel the need to piss her off.
makeup sex is a good thing, right??

[M 55] Your frequency question triggered some old painful memories . . . of a 20 year marriage that became virtually sexless during the last five. My wife was diagnosed with a chronic illness shortly after we were married in our mid twenties. The limitations of the illness made the sex increasingly infrequent. All during the horniest period of my life. After about 10 years, the frequency had diminished to about once/ twice per year. I distinctly recall because from one particular box of 12 condoms, I had 10-11 left a year later.
After so many years without - I was in massive fantasy mode - but still couldn't go outside of marriage to find the wild sex I had yearned for. I still loved my wife dearly - and wanted her sexually - but the fucking illness always took precedence. My wife didn't even have the strength to jerk me off. (and oral never seemed to be her favorite). Masturbation helped manage the physical - but the lack of touch - the absence of physical intimacy - made me feel, literally, like my very soul was evaporating. Despite years of therapy and Prozac, I eventually had to leave. . . . and when I did, it was the most eviscerating, emotionally-cremating event of my life. After all, what kind of heartless bastard leaves his sick wife????
It was, however, either leave - or spiritually die. The point, the bottom line, at least for me, is that yes - sexual frequency is very important. Much more from an emotional perspective than the physicial - especially the older we get. While I am in another relationship now - and we don't live together - we are sexual maybe once/twice per week. Compared to where I've been, this frequency - while still not quite what I would like - has been more than sufficient. I am, at least, no longer at risk of losing my mind. For all of Joan's faithful readers, let's not trivialize or minimize the importance of this sexual frequency issue.
As humans, we are also sexual beings - and need the warm, loving, juicy, and shared nakedness of another. The absence of which - steals something from our very souls. So, the next time your special partner reaches for you - don't reject them and turn them away - even if you're not in the best of moods. Clearly, know your own boundaries and never let yourself be used. But, if you have a loving relationship and your partner needs you - and wants you - be there for them - jerk him/her off - orally get them off - just don't let them suffer alone. Such suffering builds and becomes resentments . . . and eventually snuffs out the original flame of love, passion, and commitment.

Updated 9/06 [M 54] Just wanted to chime in and answer your questions on this subject. I'm a 54 year old male married for 30 years. I still think about it close to all the time - in one manner or another. I would like to do it several times a week at least. Unfortunately the reality is that we only do it a couple of times a month. It seems that the consequences of my wife's menopause has really all but killed her libido. It's not that we don't still love each other, we definitely do. Its just that she has no interest. And unfortunately, since she has no interest, I pretty much suppress much of my interest at the risk of seeming like a horny dog looking to hump something.
My wife discussed the problem with her gynochologist and was prescribed a testosterone cream to be rubbed on her inner thighs every night before retiring. So far, she's three or so weeks into it and except for her breasts and nipples becoming a bit sensitive (like they used to prior to her periods) things haven't changed much. Don't get me wrong, on those rare occasions when we do have sex it's still pretty good. In fact last week we did it and it was better then ever. In fact as she started getting excited almost cuming too soon, and she begged me to suck on her nipples (not a common thing for her to ask). So I'm hopeful that this topical cream has starting to do its thing and the libido will be next.

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